So today, I didn’t feel up to the strain of stringing multiple sentences together in any kind of coherent narrative. Green Key weekend can destroy a man. When you shotgun fourteen beers and Slip-N-Slide down two flights of stairs, it leaves marks. Emotional marks. I chugged off with an elephant. It was too close to call. All of that might be complete fabrication, but the assault on my immune system was such that three nights later, I’m still bed-ridden. You might expect a witty, interesting article, but I don’t even care. Instead I made a list: a list of the top 50 phrases, concepts, and things in general that, for whatever reason, are overexposed, overdone, or just over-prevalent at Dartmouth (in no particular order).

Listing “pong” as a Facebook interest (324 people)
Ragey—don’t devalue it
France FSPs
Guitarists
Defenestrations
Roomies-bashing
Off-nights
Walkthroughs
Frontin’
Sig Nu-bashing
Controversies that shouldn’t be
Collis
Diet Coke
Throw-saves
Dave Matthews/Sublime/Guster
Facebook fan clubs devoted to people who aren’t me
Fro-Yo
Econ/Govy majors
The phrase “work hard/play hard mentality”
Ski bums
Married girls on Facebook (I know, I know, it’s been called out before)
“Nobody (defenestrates, hunts Communists, crusades, etc) anymore.”
X-hours
Flu bugs
Public school pride
New Jersey
Axe
The ‘80s
Parkhurstings
Napoleon Dynamite quotes — it wasn’t that funny
FirstMiddleLastInitial Reply-Tos
Donnie Darko/Boondock Saints/The Big Lebowski/Scarface
Dan Brown books
Hating on Dan Brown books
That one text rendering of a naked lady that everyone puts up on their friends’ Facebook walls — I have nothing against naked ladies, but, seriously, it’s huge.
English 5
Ramen
The hockey/lacrosse cult — why can’t we worship our football players like normal schools? (Don’t answer that.)
Febreeze
Hyping “undergraduate focus,” “the outdoors,” or the “strong community” to prospies
People hosing in my room
Snow
East Wheelock-bashing
Zhenka
Highlighting in multiple colors
Solitaire in class
1st floor Berry
Drunken pictures taken by one of the people in the picture so that the faces are really close to the lens
Sweet (ironic)
Sweet (not ironic)

So that’s Dartmouth in fifty abused concepts. Nonetheless, if you ever see me making a throw-save while simultaneously eating Fro-Yo and playing Solitaire in class, don’t call me a hypocrite — I’m a Dartmouth kid too.