Fraternities are a critical part of the Dartmouth culture, but up to this point, there has been no super-definitive, discussion-ending ranking of the various houses. This survey was conceived as a "Princeton Review of Frats." Last year the Dartmouth Independent and the Dartmouth Review each published frat guides, and although I am indebted to them for some of my information, their reviews were a bit shallow. Hopefully, the following survey will fill in some of the information they left out. The characterizations are derived from my first-hand impressions, from informal interviews with individuals who frequent the particular frats, and hearsay. Only fraternities with houses were considered. Note: don’t take this too seriously.

Tiers of Manliness and Overall Respectability:
(note: frats are not ranked within their tiers)

First Tier:
• AD
• GDX
• Heorot
• Phi Delt
• Psi U
• Theta Delt

Second Tier:
• Alpha Chi
• Bones Gate
• Chi Gam
• SAE
• Sig Ep

Third Tier:
• Sig Nu
• Zeta Psi

Classifications:

Meatheads:
• Chi Gam
• Heorot
• GDX
• Phi Delt
• Theta Delt

Skinny White Guys:
• Alpha Chi
• Bones Gate
• SAE
• Sig Ep
• Sig Nu

Hate Liberal Scum:
• Phi Delt
• SAE
• Sig Nu
• Theta Delt

Liberal Scum:
• Sig Ep
• Alpha Chi

Future Investment Bankers:
• AD
• Chi Gam
• Heorot
• GDX
• Phi Delt
• SAE
• Sig Nu
• Theta Delt
• Tri Kap
• Bones Gate
• Sig Ep

Rankings:

Nicest Guys:
1. Sig Ep
2. Sig Nu (minus the Sig Nu Republicans)
3. Phi Delt

Hardest Guys:
1. GDX
1. Heorot
2. Theta Delt
2. Phi Delt
2. Psi U
3. Chi Gam

Best-dressed:
1. SAE
2. AD
3. Psi U
4. Theta Delt

Pong Maestros:
1. Tri Kap
2. Chi Gam
3. Sig Ep

Best Theme Parties:
1. Heorot
2. SAE
3. Sig Nu
4. Theta Delt

Most likely to get laid:
1. Heorot
2. Psi U
3. GDX
4. Theta Delt

Most likely to corrupt an underage girl:
1. Chi Gam
2. AD
3. Theta Delt (#1 if after graduation)

Rumored to Have Toughest Pledge Terms, or Pledge Terms Most Likely to Include Bestiality:
1. Psi U
1. AD

Descriptions/Stereotypes:

AD – Inspired “Animal House.” Although the brothers of AD rage as hard as the brothers of Animal House, its brothers are less social misfits, like Flounder (who would have probably been a Sig Nu), and more ladies-men, like Otter. No sport or activity unifies the AD brothers—brothers participate in a wide variety of varsity and club sports. But rumor has it they are united by an unspeakably horrible pledge term. AD lies somewhere on the spectrum in between the “hard guy” and “skinny guy” frats. Brothers are also known for being pretty sketchy; ADs, like Chi Gams, enjoy the company of freshmen girls. AD has the distinction of being the dirtiest frat on campus—brother notoriously pee on the wall in the basement.

Alpha Chi – The vanilla of frats. It’s not lame and it’s not awesome. There is no Alpha Chi stereotype: they are not nerds, preppies, meatheads, druggies, etc. The only thing that distinguishes them is their red caps and their fine taste in beer (Harpoon, Guinness, Sam Adams, etc). Their Pigstick party is cool.

Bones Gate – Has a reputation for being sketchy. The D once labeled Bones Gate the Drug Mecca of the Upper Valley region. Attracts people with a bohemian bent, although it’s not the freak-show that Panarchy is. Brothers are more literate than most (will read Beat poets or Burgess for fun) and enjoy obscure indie music. New basement is, for now, the nicest on campus; Bones Gate has succeeded in remodeling without losing its charm. Attracts a lot of musicians and members of the Friday Night Rock crowd.

GDX – The football frat. Very similar to Heorot, with the principle difference being that Heorot brothers win their games. Few people other than hot girls and big guys go here: many other students, both guys and girls, are intimidated by the size of the brothers.

Heorot – The best all-around frat on campus. Has the best athletes, the toughest brothers, and attracts the best looking co-eds (read: Heorot Wall Paper—the girls who line the benches along the walls in their basement). Heorot parties are not only the most creative (white t-shirt party, foam party), but also the most crowded. Most of the brothers are hockey players, runners, or pineys (alpine skiers). Most of the brothers are shirtless by midnight.

Chi Gam – Least hard of the meathead frats. The basement, for whatever reason, looks like an operating room and is far too bright. Brothers are libido-driven and more aggressive than most (probably because the the Tri-Delts, KDEs, and Kappas would rather go to Heorot, GDX, or Theta Delt). The brothers are not afraid of flirting with other dudes’ girlfriends; they have achieved some notoriety for the enthusiasm with which they chase first-term freshmen girls. Supposedly Tim Andreadis, our new SA president pledged here—he is the furthest from the Chi Gam stereotype one could be.

Phi Delt – Phi Delt is known for its “chill” atmosphere. Rather than grinding and listening to techno, brothers like to hang out and listen to classic rock. The house usually only has two pong tables and so brothers play a lot of “Phi Die,” a game five times more complicated than regular Beer Die. Phi Delt is heavily associated with the Rugby team (ruggers often meet at Phi Delt before practice and after games).

Psi U – The oldest frat on campus, and one of the oldest in the nation. Brothers play water sports (sailing, swimming, water polo, crew) and major in economics. Has a two-term pledge term, which is rumored to be absolutely miserable. Was once famous for the Winter Carnival Keg Jump, which has since been discontinued. Home to one of the tastiest cocktails on campus, the porchcrawler.

SAE – “The Preppy frat.” Most people associate SAEs with pastels, madras, and seersucker. Although the degree to which the brothers are slaves to green-and-pink is often exaggerated, it is an important part of the culture. SAEs are the best dressed men on campus—this is a compliment for some and insult for others (see the “Real Men Don’t Wear Pink Pants” Facebook group, but NB: the “pink” pants are actually red, Nantucket Red). Their girlfriends are better looking than the sort found at other skinny white guy frats, but SAE does not attract the same caliber as more macho frats, e.g. Heorot. They are not “hard guys,” but rather take pride in their worldliness and (relative) sophistication (they have annual champagne parties). They throw some of the most interesting parties on campus (beach, jungle, etc) and have a bit of a Mexican fetish—lots of Corona, Dos Equis, and tequila.

Sig Ep - If you have a fake major, like environmental science, geography, Women/Gender/AAAS/LALAC, etc., play a fake sport (read: Ultimate), are a monogamous homosexual, and/or are afraid of being hazed, this is the place for you. These guys are probably the nicest people on campus. Many of the brothers are volunteers, first-year trip leaders, and Dimensions performers. They have the largest brotherhood on campus.

Sig Nu – The inverse of GDX. Brothers are small, thin, and unatheltic. Most nights it’s a sausage-fest (there are somewhere between 1 and 3 Sig Nu groupies). Along with Sig Ep, Sig Nu has the least intimidating brotherhood on campus. Many people have had their first pong game there (see: “My first game of pong was at Sig Nu” facebook group). On the third floor Sig Nu’s have a state-of-the-art entertainment system which they use to watch copious amounts of porn; brothers have been known to sit there for more than half a day in a semi-catatonic state. ‘80s parties are a big draw, but they have them too often.

Theta Delt – Fare well in most major categories (see above). Similar to GDX and Heorot: has big guys and good-looking girls. It’s home to many lacrosse, basketball, and tennis players. Brothers are future good-ol’-boys. Brothers vote Republican and go on to work on Wall Street. They are preppy (many boarding school alums), but not in the foppish way SAEs are. Although not as bad as its Duke counterpart, “the place can get real sketchy real quick.” Theta Delt throws a big Christmas party every year, and they throw a “Louie the Lobster” party during Winter Carnival. Pledge term is easy compared to other hard-guy frats. Term to know: “Sweeta-Delts” – brothers who think the coolness of the lacrosse players will rub off on them.

Tri Kap – A substantial Asian brotherhood gives it its flavor. One person I talked to said that it “embodies Asian American youth culture.” Pledges play pong all term with their pledge books, and as a result, Tri-Kaps are the best pong players on campus.

Zeta Psi – Derecognized several years ago for un-P.C. intrafraternity newsletter. The absence of any administrational oversight increases the sketch factor, however. Zetes have an early rush, and because they no longer have to fear Parkhurst, their pledge term is said to be one of the roughest on campus. Dice is a popular sport here.

Alternative Greek organizations: Worthy of anything except contempt?
In order of increasing lameness:
1. Panarchy - bohemian enclave. Gatsby Party good, but invite-only. Outside of Gatsby party, members go out of their way to make guests uncomfortable: home to Satanic masses and the Taliban (eyewitnesses saw several Arab men in fatigues sleeping in the basement)
2. Amarna – have a popular Wine and Cheese party once a term
3. Tabard – home of Disco Inferno, one of the great Dartmouth parties, though the line to get in is unreasonably long. Strongly influenced by the GLBT set. I have heard stories about this place that would make Oral Roberts’ head explode (read: penchant for feces-stained sex toys). Supposedly, if one knocks on a third-floor door, one has to have sex with whoever opens it.
4. Alpha Theta – I don’t know why anyone except freshmen looking for cocktails would go here. Alcohol runs out quickly, too.
5. Phi Tau – famous for “Milque and Cookies” which is delicious but overrated (you’re sick of the cookies by the third cookie).