As Homecoming approaches, it’s worth noting that the rate of alumni giving is an impressive 51%. Admirable, but where’s the originality in financial donations? The time has come to instate a more novel form of giving back.

Enter the Homecoming bonfire.

Touching the fire honors a Dartmouth tradition almost as ancient as writing fat checks to one’s alma mater and, with a cost that ranges from a few scalded fingers to a minor indictment, fire touching is probably more suitable to the budget of the average freshman. Below are several very compelling reasons for touching the fire.

1. Homecoming is Always Freezing
You know the feeling you get on a rainy day when you’re finally able to remove your damp socks and warm yourself by your room’s quietly steaming radiator? Pleasantly toasty is the phrase that comes to mind. Think of the bonfire as a cozy radiator, only with an open flame 80 feet tall and slightly more heat. Donning nothing but your ’10 jersey and, perhaps, a pair of pants and socks, you’ll feel a chill set in after your first couple laps. Touching the fire is an effective way to ward off the night’s frigid temperatures.

2. You Can Put It on Your Resume
Corporate recruiting has exhausted this year’s seniors. Racking your brain to come up with a quality that sets you apart from a huge field of similar applicants is tough work. The sooner you start resume building, the better. Touching the bonfire gives you a unique resume booster that will propel you to the top of even the most qualified applicant pool. Resume readers at Goldman and McKinsey yawn at the sight of another resume boasting of summers spent tutoring AIDS orphans in Bangladesh. What captivates their attention is someone who takes real initiative. What better way to show you have the borderline sanity required to work 100-hour weeks than by sticking your hand into a burning inferno to attain a fleeting moment of glory before a herd of angry S&S officers tackles you to the ground?

3. Better Chances of Escape Than Rushing the Field
The danger with both fire touching and field rushing is the looming specter of arrest. But fire-touching has a decisive edge over field-rushing in opportunities to slip away anonymously. Should you touch the fire, you won’t be far from hundreds of alcohol-fueled students ready to abet fleeing fire-touchers, as opposed to being in the middle of an empty football field; your exploits won’t be captured on TV, as they are likely to be in the case of a half-time field rush; and the cover of darkness will provide you with an excuse to finally use the camouflage makeup kit you brought to Dartmouth in anticipation of those campus manhunt games that somehow never really materialized.

4. Distracters Will Surround You
Last year, eight students, none of whom were trying to touch the fire, were arrested in the hour after the bonfire’s lighting. This bodes well for potential fire-touchers: there is a good chance that Hanover Police will be distracted by violations more egregious than yours. (Being able to stand unassisted is a real advantage. According to last year’s police blotter, there were two incidents of Dartmouth freshmen being arrested after police noticed they were “standing with the assistance of…other people.”) Laying off alcohol for the beginning of the night may not be a bad idea. In addition to being able to more astutely evade any would-be captors, a sober you will also be less likely to fall into the fire itself. Not surprisingly, the consensus among past fire touchers seems to be that coming away from the bonfire with all digits intact makes for a happier first Homecoming.

5. Avoid the Mandatory 110 Laps
After several laps, circling the bonfire becomes exhausting as you begin to feel the effects of the several extra pounds you’ve gained courtesy of the Food Court frozen yogurt machine. Touching the bonfire is a good way to avoid running the otherwise requisite 110 laps while maintaining some semblance of Dartmouth spirit. While your classmates are still busy circling the fire, you’ll be warm, cozy, and sitting down – albeit in the back of an H-Po police cruiser.

Necessary to your Dartmouth experience? No. An amusing story to tell after the initial shock of your arrest and subsequent night in jail wears off? Hopefully. Do your part to make the worst class ever just a little bit better: touch the fire.