We have the Review supporting the Dartmouth Indian. We have some zealots supporting the Dartmoose. We have some crazy Facebookers supporting the Dartmouth I-Banker, one person pushing the Dartmouth Big Green Dragons, and a compliant few still in favor of the Big Green. Like a recent The Still North asks: Where is all the God-damn support for the Dartmouth Dinosaurs?

It seems as though the Dinosaur gets lost when discussing the more traditional mascot alternatives like the Dartmoose, the I-Banker, and the Big Green. Let’s forget discussions and get to meat of the debate. Who would win in a fight? Would the amorphous Big Green swallow its opponents? Would the Dartmoose stab its opponents with its antlers before crushing them to death? Would the I-Banker buy out the other mascots and exile them to Swaziland? The Dragons, perhaps, do something with fire? No. The Dartmouth Dinosaur would come in and crush all of them to death, then let out a victory roar before going off to tear its other victims to pieces.

So why should we be represented by the most prominent evolutionary failure since Pangea broke up? For any of us growing up in the “Calvin and Hobbes generation,” dinosaurs are the greatest creation behind the floating keg rafts at Tubestock. Assuming our logo is a ferocious T-Rex, the Dartmouth Dino will not only strike fear and terror into the hearts of opponents, but will also have that fratty “sweetness” factor lacking in the moose, the I-Banker, and the Big Green. With our sports teams molding themselves into the spirit of the dinosaur, how could we be any more A-side? (Apart, naturally, from Dinosaurs flying in F-14 fighter jets.) We all grew up with Jurassic Park and The Land Before Time. We all loved Rex from Toy Story. We all remember – hopefully – the first time we walked into a natural history museum and gasped at the massive skeletal structure of a T-Rex or triceratops. And isn’t a mascot supposed to represent who we are more than where we come from? The Princeton Tigers aren’t exactly native to Princeton, New Jersey, but they love their mascot, as we should love ours. Dinosaurs are fearsome, huge, and befitting of a school conquering the wilderness (because clearly, by being dinosaurs, we demand a lot of space to call our own). Thus I throw the Dinosaur’s hat into the ring of the Dartmouth mascot debate.

The Dino is not just a cool, carnivorous replacement to an unpopular, amorphous mascot. It is the most practical alternative of any being considered right now. Our uniforms wouldn’t necessarily have to change. We could still wear our green “D” hats. In fact, nothing would really need to be updated except for the way we spectated our games. Instead of getting foam “number one” fingers for sporting events, we could get foam claws. We could even get foam T-Rex heads with the little opening in them for someone’s face. Controversies would be avoided when, instead of having the Dartmouth Indian getting fellatio on our homecoming T-shirts, our Dinosaur would be eating the Holy Cross crusader and using his sword to floss his teeth afterwards. See, totally harmless.

Plus, the Dartmouth Dinos have a huge benefit in the cheering section. “Let’s go Dartmoose” not only makes us wonder whether we are cheering for one individual player or cheering for the entire team, it sounds like we’re third graders in chorus wondering how long to accentuate the double-o vowel sound in a song. There’s no flow to Dartmoose, especially when compared to “Let’s go Dinos,” which has that nice little rhyme at the end. The stand’s student section would not only look good, we’d sound good as well. Cheering for the I-Bankers is cacophonic, and as for the Big Green, well, any cheer we do looks like we stole it from the 1995 Disney movie. There’s no way to improve upon the sleek, sexy cheer of “D-I-N-O…DINOS!” In addition, you won’t have to put up with a moose call after every goal (which, by the way, sounds like a yak calling out for help after being hit by a Dartmouth Coach bus.) No, you will hear a true roar of the crowd. Best yet, we students would have room for creativity, as the Dinosaur cheering etiquette still allows us to make some stuff up. No one is allowed to be like, “Pfft, that’s not what dinosaurs sounded like,” because no one will ever know.

The Dartmouth Dinosaur should be considered way before the other three mascot alternatives. It is much less lame and much more practical. The only arguable decision is our choice of the T-Rex. To that we can respond in the same manner of Calvin: because they’re so much cooler.

“Let’s go Dinos!”